Click here to download in pdf format.
Sermon Notes of Rev.Dr.I.J.W.Oakley
(12-10-1996 Guisborough Evangelical Church)
Ephesians is in two parts – doctrine and practice.
Christian practice affects every area of life. We have already dealt with life
in the Church, and now life in the home, starting with marriage, then parents
and children. Finally we shall come to how Christian practice affects life in
the work place.
Ephesians 5 has one of the great
Biblical statements about marriage. Not too popular in some quarters, especially
with those influenced by Modern Feminism, because “submit”, required of
wives, seems to suggest women are inferior (to be looked at later). But this
passage together with the rest of New Testament has the highest picture of
marriage, and an exalted picture of womanhood. It was quite revolutionary when
written. In Paul’s world, women were very inferior, they were virtually
chattels, treated with disdain and brutality.
Jewish women in law were a
thing, not a person. They had no legal rights, and the husband could do what he
liked with her, as his possession. In Greek life, prostitution was an essential
part of life. Companionship and fellowship in marriage were unknown. The wife
cared for the man’s legitimate children, while he found pleasure and
companionship elsewhere. In the Roman world, marriage was in chaos, and fidelity
was unknown. Women were married to be divorced and divorced to be remarried.
Jerome writes of a Roman woman who married her 23rd husband, and she
was his 21st wife. Also, of another woman who had 8 husbands in 5
years.
It was the life and teaching of
Jesus Christ, and His Church, which completely transformed this situation. He
led the way in treating women with respect and honour, and He taught equality
before God of all human beings. This concept was unknown before.
Going to look at the teaching of
this passage about marriage, and the relationship between husband and wife. Note
that the emphasis is not on rights and privileges but on duties and
responsibilities. Not about what we expect, but about what we owe. When these
are taken seriously, they make the home what God intended it to be – the
happiest place on earth, and such a powerful witness to the outside world of the
power and grace of Christ in human lives.
C.H.Spurgeon said, “When the home is ruled according to God’s Word, angels might be asked to stay with us, and they would not find themselves out of their element”.
Need to stress this, because Christian teaching about the
uniqueness and permanence of marriage is under attack. It is an out of date
notion to many people. They would say that, and live accordingly, without any
shame. The Bible clearly teaches the union of one man and one woman in the
marriage bond, the context where physical, emotional and spiritual needs are
met, is the will of the Creator. It was not man’s idea, or a social
arrangement, but the Creator’s ordinance. For all His creatures, and not just
the redeemed in Christ. The marriage service is to hallow the union between man
and woman, to provide for increase of mankind, for companionship and help and
comfort of partners and for the welfare of human society, which is strong and
happy only where the marriage bond is held in honour. Must also state that the
unmarried state, to which some are called also, has the same standing before
God.
It is an exclusive relationship,
and permanent. The most sacred of all human unions, over-riding all other bonds.
“Till death us do part” – though the Lord allows divorce on the grounds of
adultery.
“Christian marriage” is marriage with an added and very positive dimension. Marriage between two children of God, drawn to each other by Him, under His guidance and for His purposes and depending on His resources. It has strength, depth and staying power far greater than ordinary marriages, because ruled by the principle and motto “Each for the other, and both for God”. That is the only kind of marriage a Christian should enter. A Christian marriage has not two partners, but three – the man, the woman, and the Lord. For the Christian, it is the Bible, and not 20th century opinion, that will determine our view of marriage and its nature.
Wives, submit to your
husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ is
the head of the church (Ephesians 5:22). This statement makes many feminists
and people in various liberation movements furious, in our age of permissiveness
and freedom. Deeply resented because it suggests women are inferior, and to be
treated as slaves, to be oppressed and exploited. This is a complete
misunderstanding of the Christian position.
Essential equality of all men
and women in Christ Jesus is found throughout Scripture. There is neither…
male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus (Galatians 3:28). Equal
in salvation, equal before the Lord, equal in privileges as believers. But need
to distinguish between people’s status before the Lord, and roles or
functions. God has placed headship and leadership in the family on the man. This
was his purpose in both creation and redemption. This does not mean that woman
is essentially inferior. The fact that a team has a captain does not mean the
other players are inferior. The chairman of a committee does not mean the other
committee members are inferior. The Speaker in the House of Commons does not
make the rest of the MP’s inferior. So it is in creating and redeeming man and
women, that the leadership role is invested in the man. (1 Corinthians 11:3-12;
1 Timothy 2:11-13; Genesis 2:20-23). The man’s gifts, mental constitution, and
physical make-up confirm the male’s headship. Just as in other areas, woman is
his superior, e.g. in love and devotion and self-denial.
The man is the head, and the
woman is to complement him as helpmeet, homemaker, encourager and comforter. She
will make up for his deficiencies. Luther said of his wife, “The greatest gift
of God is a pious amiable spouse who fears God, loves his house, with whom one
can live in perfect confidence.” But the authority and government is lodged
with the man. This is taught in Scripture, grounded in nature, and proved in
experience. If this is ignored, both parties are degraded.
The woman’s submission is not to be grudging and reluctant. It comes from love, and is a joyful, willing part of discipleship because behind the husband’s authority is the Lord’s, who gave that authority. Not to be met with resentment and rebellion. No problem for the Christian wife who loves to please Christ. She is called to submit to husband “in everything”. Clearly to be interpreted in the light of the total context of Scripture. Is the wife to do literally everything her husband tells her, in all cases? There are qualifications. No husband has the right to force her to act against her conscience or to do what is wrong. If the husband becomes insane, obviously she is not to obey him in everything. No husband should interfere with her relationship to God and the Lord Jesus Christ. Supreme relationship is to God Himself. If there is a clash of loyalties, there is no question to whom the wife should give obedience. As Peter told the Sanhedrin, We must obey God rather than men (Acts 5:29).
Husbands, love your wives, (how
much?) just as Christ loved the Church (and how much was that?) and
gave himself up for her (Ephesians 5:25). The Greek word used is agaph
or agapaw,
(one of the four Greek words for love) meaning love which is concerned to
give, and not to get. Calvary love, where Christ set the pattern. Christ loved
the Church to death itself. He loved her so that she might be sanctified and
belong to the Lord and be cleansed – a cleansing done through His Word and
signified by Baptism. One day he will present her to himself with all
imperfections removed, and she will be perfectly holy, and without blemish. This
is how much the husband should love his wife.
The husband is not a tyrant,
ogre, bully or dictator, to which the wife must submit. But instead he is one
who loves her with a love which would give everything for her. Rather than
frustrate or crush or limit her, he is concerned to provide, protect, care, and
bring out her full potential and all her gifts, he longs for her full
development, and wants her to have the very best there is. So headship is not to
be used selfishly but for the benefit of the one who submits. This kind of love
makes submission easy.
Calvin said, “Husbands should
not be cruel to their wives… their authority should be a companionship rather
than a kingship”. Calvin certainly displayed Christ-like love to his wife, and
she returned it with love and obedience.
Marriage is meant to be like a
tandem bicycle. The man in front steering, the woman backing up and supporting.
But man keeps remembering the woman behind and therefore always considers her.
The big test is not what a man
was like before marriage or in the early days, but what will he be like in the
home day by day when there are problems and difficulties and trials, and when
middle age and old age come along. Does his love then still reflect and remind
people of Christ’s love for the church?
Paul strengthens his argument
saying, Husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies (Ephesians
5:28). This does not mean they should love their wives as they love their own
bodies, but that they should love their wives because they are their own bodies.
As the Church is Christ’s body, so the wife in a sense is the husband’s
body. They are intimately united. They are one flesh. They are more than
partners. They are two halves of one whole. Therefore, in loving his wife, he is
loving himself. Never thinks of himself in isolation and detached from his wife.
The wife is a part of himself. She is not an addition, still less an
encumbrance. Because she is part of the husband, he is to nourish and cherish
her. If he fails to do so, he will suffer himself, because she is his own flesh
– part of himself.
The wife should be involved in everything. He should never act as a single man, or think as a single man. He should never neglect his wife or take her for granted. He should be concerned with what will help and please her. She should share his business affairs, worries and responsibilities. She is to be consulted and brought into his life. So the marriage will grow and develop and mature.
So easy to state these facts and duties and leave it
there. So easy to say Christians should have highest standards. Easy to be
reminded that many have been won to the Lord because they have noticed the
difference when entering a Christian home. But have to ask, would people notice
anything different about mine? Gospel and divine resources ennoble marriage and
raise it to higher level, but only can be maintained by the grace of God. No
Christian marriage ought to be just “making a go of it” or “keeping
together for the children’s sake”, or “tolerating one another”. We need
God’s grace in every sphere and not least in our homes.
- Need divine grace to deal with ever-present problem of self and selfishness, and refusal to walk with God – which is the root of most clashes and upsets.
- Need grace to restrain tongues and criticism when we know the other person well.
- Need grace to give admonition with love, and receive it with humility.
- Need grace to persevere in prayer when changes are needed in the other person and in us.
- Need grace to encourage and build one another up and minister to spiritual needs.
- Need grace to keep us from taking each other for granted, and to remain courteous and appreciative.
-
Need grace to admit we are wrong and ask forgiveness.
Divine resources are available. Remember the context – Be continually filled with the Spirit (Ephesians 5:18). One thing to know of them, another thing to lay hold of them. Therefore urgent need to pray for one another and with one another.
Have we anything to put right with someone else? Are our
homes and marriages – as far as we can ensure it – witnesses to the world?
Ultimately all these things come back, not to our relationship with the other
person, but with our relationship with God. When He is in the centre of the
life, when we are anxious to please Him and to go by His Word, this ensures that
at least from our side we are right with others.
God first, the other person next, self last “Jesus – Others – Yourself” J-O-Y.
